Skip to main content


Mr. Hitendra Raj Joshi
Kathmandu, Nepal

Rossy returns from her school thrusts into the kitchen but she doesn't feel hungry so she kicks bathroom door, she unbutton her shirt, she throws her vest, she strip her skirt and she

2064AD September 28 in the evening Rossy returns from her school she looks happy. She is in her early teen. Black eyes, short black hairs, flat nose and flat chest, a tomboy look. Some people may get confused with her sex boy or a girl when they meet her for the first time she chatters a lot and loves watching TV. She gets very little times for her family. But she loves to kill her times listening to fairy tales told by her grand ma'. Her grand ma' also loves to tell a tale to her grand daughter.

Rossy's grand ma' an eighty years old woman, with thin white hairs wrinkled skin, she always keeps her spectacle close to her. She was born in 1980. She was named Sunayana by her father, which means "beautiful eyes". Right to her name she used to have beautiful sharp eyes. But now she is in her early eighties. She can't even recognize a person close to her without her spectacle.

Rossy returns from her school thrusts into the kitchen but she doesn't feel hungry so she kicks bathroom door, she unbutton her shirt, she throws her vest, she strip her skirt and she yanks down her underwear. Then she takes a shower. Checks herself in the mirror but to her surprise her flat chest is taking a dome shape. She doesn't like that, she gets afraid. In no time she puts on her underwear, skirt then shirt. She runs to her dearest grand ma’s room. She tells her about change in her body. Sunayana tells her "its s sign that you are getting mature." But Rossy doesn't want to get mature she asks," Why do we get mature?" Sunayana doesn't have any answer she smiles at her innocent question, she asks again, "how do you look like when you was young?" Before her grand ma' could think for answer she asked another question, "Why we need to get mature?" Sunayana smiles at her grand daughter's naïve questions. She asks her "you don't wanna listen a story today?" She replies, "no, Grand ma I have heard all of them, all those stories are same. Today I wanna listen to a new story, a unique one." Her Grand ma says," ok then tell me what kind of story we wanna listen?" Rossy thinks for few seconds and says," I don't wanna listen those stories about prince and princes, bitch and wizards, deer and doe I wanna listen something different." At the mean time Rossy catches her Grand ma's pony tail. Sunayana has a pony tails and lost of piercing on her body. Sunayana pulls her and says, "I will tell you a story about a young girl who loves to have a pony tails." Rossy says, "like yours one. Sunayana says, "Yes, like mine."

"OK Grand ma' " Rossy replies. Both of them are on the same bed. Then; Sunayana begins her story, Rossy gets excited and says "tell me a tale about a pony tail, tell me a tale about a tail grand ma."

Sunayana begins her story, " listen Rossy today I gonna tell you a tale about a nepali girl, who loves to have a pony tail. I gonna tell you a story about her, about her pony tail. I gonna tell you a tale about her life." As her Grand ma begins Rossy gets concentrated with her voice,

"Eighty years ago in 1980 may 23 in one of the family of Kathmandu a mother gave birth to a child with beautiful eyes, flat nose like yours, her father was a Nepali teacher. Although belonging to Kirat family his interest, his dedication in Nepali literature made him a teacher of Nepali literature. His name was Santa man Rai, known as S.M Rai. He named his daughter Sunayana that means "beautiful eyes, SM Rai was very happy that day he decides to give all the happiness to her daughter which he can't get because he was born in a poor family in Taplejung." He decides, "This will be my first and last child."

Grand ma goes on telling a tale, "SM Rai, when he was a kid he had two younger brothers, two younger sisters and one elder sister. He was second among six children of his parents. So he knows what a big family means."

"As time passes Sunayana began to walk, she began to talk, quite earlier than other children. Her father decides to take her to his village once, to Taplejung. In the early morning of winter Mr. Rai gets up early, He packs up his baggage. They check their luggage; lock the door, looks for the taxi in the misty streets. It's really hard to recognize the things at a distance due to the mist. In the mean time yellow light moves towards them piercing the mist and after a moment a taxi appears in front of them."

"Driver asks taxi Sir." Mr. Rai and family sit in the taxi. Mr. Rai says, "To the Airport." They arrive to the airport. They fly towards North East in a twin otter. In no time they were in Taplejung. Mr Rai feels nostalgic when he lands in Taplejung. His old memories get refreshed. "He was back to his home after eighteen years.

"Santa man trudges towards his home with his bag in own hand and his daughter in other with his wife Sanu. He was back to his village after long time most villagers had already forgotten him as he enters his room he saw only his mother and two younger sisters. Santa man bowed to his mother." Then he says "where are others father and my brothers." With rear full eyes his mother says get fresh first then have some food. I think you are tired and we will talk about them." Santa man's mother takes Sunayana her grand daughter in her arms.

"Late evening Santa man with his mother and sisters were sitting near the fire with Sunayana on her grand mother's lap. That was a time of Panchayat system; strikes were in progress all around the country against the system."

"His mother with tear full eyes begins that incident happen a decade ago", "Your youngest brother who studied in the village school get interested in politics with his
friends. I didn't knew what they did bur they always talk about a new system of people,
with his friends they begun their campaign against government your mailla brother was
also supporting him one day police came to our home they searched for your brother they
didn't find them then they arrested your father your brothers didn't return. Few days
later their officer came to our home and said that when your father was trying break the
jail he was shot dead by one of the guard. They even didn't give us his dead body for
funeral. They asked for your brother address I said I don't know where they are next day
they came to our home. They were in big numbers when we deny to tell them where your
brothers are they kicked me, they tied me with door. When your sisters shouted for help
then they threatened them. As they ignored one of their man began to tear your sister’s clothes that night, they stripped your sisters they made them naked and they forced them to have sex with all those men. They raped your sisters turn by turn. Another day we heard that your brothers were also shot dead in an encounter. Your didi died in the landslide during monsoon five years ago, all of her family died. From that day we are given a title as terrorist' family. If you stay here for long them may arrest you too because your brothers were against them"

"Santa man didn't understand any thing but he decided to return Kathmandu with
all of his family."

"Next day Santa man with his daughter were wondering around the village
someone said to him that his village was attacked by some peoples they were searching
for a man named Santa man lots of people are killed. He gets shocked. He didn't knew
what to do he ran toward his home. His mother, sisters and wife Sanu all were lying dead
their body and their house was burnt. Losts of other villagers were killed. He knew to
stay at that place is risky, the police were searching for him because his brothers were
against the government so they thought he is a spy and he is spying. So he decides to leave
the village not for his life but for his daughters life. He loves her very much."

"He returns to his flat with his daughter. His wife was killed in his own village he
promised to keep her daughter unknown about that incident and keep her happy."

"In no time Sunayana became young. Santa man looks after her as a father and as
a mother too she begins her school. Santa man begins to forget about his wife. As people
says time is the best medicine, really time is a panacea, He begins to forget all old
memories and he was on the way to his new life with daughter Sunayana.
"After lots of strikes in 1990 new system democracy was introduced in the
country people expects for lots of things Santa man knew those were all mirage.
Democracy didn't bring any change in his life. His job of teacher goes on as before and
her daughter goes on growing."

"His daughter changes to teenage girl from a kid."
" Sunayana changes with her age, she becomes over conscious with punk fashion
than her looks she begins to exploit her father love. Her style of living changes with her
age. Discos, parties and pub become part of her life. She keeps on changing with time."

Rossy's grand ma' is tired now she gets down from her bed, Rossy helps her she
sits in a arm chair near by comfortably. Rossy requests her grand ma to continue, "tell me
grand ma how did she changed, did she have lots of boy friends, did she loved her father
as he loves her?" Her grand ma smiles and she keeps on telling a story, a true story, true
story about a girl, A Nepali girl. A girl who was born in early eighties and grown up in
eighties and nineties. Story about a teenage girl mid and late nineties, about a girl of early
twenty first century.

"Rossy's Grand ma begins her story again, " Sunayana passes her SLC in first
division that day Santa man was really happy. He wanna fly with her daughter, He wanna
go around the world tour with his daughter. So he calls his daughter he wanna go out
with his daughter."

"He looks in her daughter with surprise pierced nose, ears, lips and navel, colored
hair, sleeveless t-shirts with a print of marijuana leaf, pant and belt on her low hip,
blackly polished nail."

"Santa man laughs he doesn't get angry with her, he never gets angry with her.
Sunayana ask why he was laughing" Her father replies, "listen fashion should be
comfortable you look so uncomfortable with these dresses." She replies no daddy fashion
should be unique, should be different, I wanna be different, different from other people ,"
there definition about fashion was completely different."

"One evening Sunayana’s father meets her daughter after his office at home he get
shocked to see her shaven head."

"Are you gonna be a monk Sunayana" His father ask. She replies, " No, Daddy
what I wanna have is pony tail No girl around the town haven't got pony tail. I gonna
have one. So firstly I shaven my head leaving few hairs back in my neck so that my pony
tail looks longer than my hairs." Santa man replies, "In our society only mens those hindu
man keeps such type of tuppis even I don't have one because I am buddihst. Listen
Sunayana only man hindu men keeps such type of tuppi that's not even a tuppi."
Sunayana immediately reacts to her father and says, "there is no different between men
and women, you don't know about women's right daddy, if men have rights to do
something women have too. And about religion people should not be separated by
religion. Firstly people came on the earth then only religion. Religion is made by people
to divide people's. Lost of wars is happening in India and other places for religion, these
nasty games should be stopped. We all belongs to same religion and there is no different
between men and women."

Grand ma goes on, " Santa man understood nothing what religion she was talking
About, what rights she was talking about."
"Santa man find himself conservative and back warded man at the mean time he
thinks about his tribe his culture then he compare himself with his daughter. He compares
his hairs with his daughters pony tail. He finds himself in illusion who is right. He
himself or his fashionable daughter."
"That evening Santa man was waiting her daughter for dinner, time was already 9
pm, she had never been so late without noticing him. Lots of things plays in his mind in
the mean time Sunayana enters the room."

He asks,” Why you did so late, now you have finished your school you should
think about joining college." Sunayana says, "college here daddy is that college, No,
Daddy I wanna go to states for further studies. Today I went to meet my friend whose
sister is working and studying at the same time in the state. She is also making lots of
money." Santa man says, "Listen foreign land can't be like your own land , you have to
face lots of difficulties out there. You have to earn your living in the mean time you have
to study, you are very young for that." She says, "Come on daddy I am not a kid now I
am eighteen years old. I know what's good and what's bad. I wanna she the world. I don't
wanna live my whole life here, here in Nepal. I wanna travel lot I wanna she the whole
world. I wanna feel the world."

"Santa man find himself helpless he doesn’t have good answer to defense himself
and to stop Sunayana's will to study abroad in U.S."

"From next day Sunayana began to prepare for her TOFEL she beings to
correspond with university in states. Her friends suggests her she should go to small city,
living expense is cheap in small cities other says no it's difficult to get job in small cities.
How can we win our bread without a job? She decides to go to one of the big city but
which one? And which university?"

"Santa man knows he will be alone, completely alone if her daughter leaves him.
He didn't want to get alone, but he can't stop her either. He can't and he doesn't want to
kill her daughters desire."
"Sunayana scores an average mark in her TOFEL and she prepares to leave for states.
She gets her I-20(Conformation letter from University) from the University from New

"Sunayana was very happy because she got her conformation letter and she is
now applying for visa. That evening she requests her father to collect one million rupees.
Santa man get shocked." He says, “Teacher like me can't have such a huge amount of
money Sunayana." She replies immediately "you can withdraw your funds if not
sufficient bank will do it for us, for one day we have to pay only some charge. And that's
just to show bank security. After reaching there I will be making my own money."

Santa man asks “and what about visa it's not easy to get visa for people like us
from third world."
She replies "it's only difficult for old people for girl like us it's quite
"Santa man understands nothing why it's easy for girls to get visa."
"Sunayana gets visa for four years to study in states, but she has only few hours
work permit per week. Anyway she was happy, she was out of the world. Santa man tries
to show himself happy because he doesn't wants to make her feel bad."
"Santa man draws his funds and bank balances to pay his daughter's first Semester
fee and her other necessity after few days Sunayana flies for States. Santa man was
completely alone."

"Santa man was living alone only thing that can bring joy in his life were mails and
calls of his daughter ."

"One day he received a call from her daughter in late evening."
"Daddy is that you, I have to work lot so I even don't get time to call you and
mail you. You know I have changed my college before I was studying Computer Science
but that was expensive so I joined small college here I have also changed my subject.
OK Papa I have to go for work. I will call you later."
"Santa man even doesn't get chance to say anything she called him, she chattered
and she went."
"Early in the morning 2001 September 12 Santa man was listening to the news, he
heard news about the attack made in Twin Towers in New York. He gets worried about
his daughter. Though he knew she lives and works in some other place he was worried.
He wanna call her daughter but he doesn't know where to call."

"That evening Sunayana calls his father again he shouts."
"Are You ok, Are You all right Sunayana?"
"Yes, Daddy I also heard the news about that attack in Twin Towers but I don't
know lot about that I don't have time to read papers and to watch news. Daddy I am in
Topeka not in New York I can't survive in New York because everything are expensive
There and jobs were also rarely found"
"Take care Sunayana."
"He replies."
"Yes Daddy I heard that there is a civil war in Nepal. Everyone suggest here not
to go Nepal is that true. If so please you come here we will live together. People says
there is a war between Maoist and Government, you are not safe in that war land."
"He replies"
"I'm Safe here but you don't forget to return."
"Yes Daddy I have to go now."
"Then line gets disconnected."
"Santa man get surprised he thinks why we are not safe in our own country, Yes,
it's true Here we have some wars but there are war or strikes all over the world in India,
Malaysia, Middle East, Africa, China and Taiwan. He thinks, "Our Government had
made this small wars big issue just to gain some foreign economic help which will get
corrupted by our political leaders and Ministers those aids will not reach suffered
people." some of those leaders were friends of his brothers who use to play with his
brothers. After they began their political life they had struggled a lot, they had made lot
of sacrifice. He even can't think those same people when they reached to the government
and powerful post they will do the same thing as leaders before democracy had done.
They even did worst than that. They became reach in no time. Santa man can't believe his
own eyes and ears, those leaders who fought for democracy will becomes corrupters."

"One day Santa man receives a letter from University. He have to go to the
Pokhara to teach Nepali in Prithivi Narayan Campus. He have not forgotten yet that
incident when student destroyed there own Campus, Prithivi Narayan Campus. He had
not forgotten yet the incident in English Department in T.U when students destroyed
there own department. He thinks those young and ambitious students are not terrorist then
why they did such type of destructive things. In the mean time he answers himself
because students doesn't get what they deserve results are not held in time, Students gains
very less mark. The teacher doesn't take class in time and students think they need luck
than hard work to pass there exam with good marks. He thinks he can't do anything.
What can he do alone?"

"In states Sunayana was happy when she was preparing to leave for her own
country. She knew there is a war, she knew she can't be safe in Nepal. She also thinks
Nepal is a motherland if she can't be safe in Nepal where she can be safe? She hasten to
return. She is waiting for next day when she will leave that foreign land for her

"Coldness of Himal
that's what I wanna kiss
in our Nepal
the only thing I want is peace"

"The next day Sunayana is leaving foreign land in the jet plane. Hastening to reach
Kathamandu. Her plane lands in Changi Airport in Singapore after a long and boring
Flight. She thinks Nepal is not so far for her from Singapore. She says to herself " First
thing I will after reaching Kathamandu is calling my father in Pokhara."
"She met lots of People, She made lots of friends but she never meet person like her
father who helps her all the time voluntarily and by heart."

"She takes another plane and she leaves Singapore for Kathmandu."
"After few hours she was in Kathmandu, she was in one of her friends home as
she has not got her address in Kathmandu She calls her father in Pokhara."
"Daddy I am back I am in Kathamndu I wanna see you come here today."
"Santa man can't believe himself his daughter is just few hundreds kilometers
away from him."
"I am coming Sunayana you just wait I can't leave right now. Exam is going on
here. First let me finish this better you come here by plane."
"No, Daddy. I got job here, I am so lucky here in Nepal, Daddy I have to teach
English in a High school."
"But you said you didn't earn any degree in any subject how you get that subject."
"Because I am back from states Daddy principal of that school thinks I should be
good in English because I am back from States."
"I need this job Daddy. I wanna win my own bread."
"Santa man smiles not because his daughter got a job but because she got job of a
English teacher. That sounds funny for him."

"After a week Santa man comes to Kathmandu to meet his daughter after three
and half years he takes taxi and rushes toward the address given by her daughter. Streets
of Kathmandu looks quite, towns look close as it was a Saturday a weekend holiday.
When he reach that address he rings the bell and the door. He hears the dog barking from
Inside. Sunayana runs as she heard that bell she knew that was her father. She didn't need
To check who is there through window because she can feel her father she knows that's
her father not anyone else."

"As she opens a door saws her father her father looks at her then her pony tail he
smiles and says."

"Sunayana you have not changed your hair style yet."
"No Daddy this is like my identity people will not recognize me if I cut it. I use to
have pony tail for fashion now it's part of my identity."
"Both of them laughed Santa man Rai was Happy to meet her and to see her. And
he liked her pony tail."
"Do you wanna go back Sunayana?" Santa man asked.
"No, Daddy Now I wanna get married in my country and I wanna stay in Nepal
forever Yes, Daddy forever."
Rossy's Grand ma' eyes fills with tears and she says "from that day Sunayanais
living in Kathmandu, she is married, she even have grand son and daughters." Rossy
asks, " Is she still beautiful grand ma'? Can I meet her?" She replies, she is old now"
Rossy says, "Is that you Grand ma' because your name is also Sunayana and you got a
pony tail also, Is that you." Grand ma' says "Yes, Rossy Yes, that was me you wanna go
out for a education?" Rossy replies No, Grand ma' I wanna study in my own country
Sunayana smiles of her satisfaction.

Next day Rossy comes with her other cousins and friends to her Grand ma' and they
Request, "Grand ma' tell us a tale about a tail, tale about a pony tail." Sunayana smiles
and she again begins her story. A story about herself, a tale about her pony tail, a story
about her own life.

[यो प्रस्तुति कतै पुन प्रकाशित गर्नु परेमा स्रोत खुलाएर वा लेखकको पूर्ण सहमतिमा मात्र प्रकाशित गर्नुहुन अनुरोध छ । -सपनासंसार ]


Popular posts from this blog

जीवन् एक् सपनाको संसार

पोस्तक श्रेष्ठ मिनियापोलिस, मिन्नेसोटा, संयुक्त राज्य अमेरीका मिनिसोटा राज्य, जाडोको लागि कुख्यात। तापक्रम शुन्य भन्दा पनि तल। हिउँले सेत्ताम्मै, जताततै। शायद अप्रिल को पहिलो हप्ता सम्म पनि यो हिउँ नपग्लिएला। जाडोले गर्दा बाहिर हिंडडुल गर्न पनि सकिन्न। आज बिहानै देखि पानी फुस्फुसाएको छ। दिउंसो हिउं पर्ने सम्भावना । आ! यो हिउं पनि कती पर्न परेको होला! कस्तो ठांउमा जीवन बिताउन पुगिएछ। रन एक्लै भुत्भुताउंछन्। । उनको खास नाम चांहि तोरणप्रसाद हो। तर यहाँ अमेरीकन ले संक्षिप्तिकरण गरिदिएका छन्- रन । सिनिएर अस्सिस्टेड लिभिङ अर्थात नर्सिङ होमको बसोबास। छोरा आफ्नो परिवार सहित कोलोराडोमा। छोरी क्यालिफोर्नियामा। श्रीमतीको यहिं दुई बर्ष पहिले निधन भएपछि रन एक्लै छन्। आफू पनि जीवनको अन्तिम क्षणको प्रतिक्षामा। बिरक्त लाग्दो मौसम, शुनशान कोठा, बेला बेलामा सुसारेहरु आउंछन। औषधी खुवाउन, खाना खुवाउन। रन बेला बेलामा बैठक कोठामा जान्छन्। आफु जस्तै अरु बूढा-बूढीहरुसंग बात मार्न। ह्वील चेयरमा बसेर हिंडडुल गर्न पर्छ। आज किन किन रनलाई बैठक कोठामा जान पनि मन लागेन। टेबलमा छोरीले पठाको क्रिशमशको उपहार पाकेट त्

शुभ-कामना नव दाम्पत्य जीवनको

यहि मिती २१ फेब्रवरी २००९ का दिन, अमेरीकाको नेब्रास्का राज्य को ओमाहा सहरमा , साथी रचना भट्टराई तथा साथी प्रवेश घिमीरे बिच भएको शुभ बिबाहको उपलक्षमा उत्तरोत्तर प्रगतीको हार्दिक मंगलमय शुँभभकामना टक्र्याउदछु । तपाई हरुको नया जीवन अनि नौंलो यात्रा सफल रहोस् । खुशीँ नै खुशीको पाईला हरु लम्किउन् । तपाईहरुको यो एैतिहासिक क्षणमा, आँफु पनि पात्र बन्न पाउदा निकै नै खुशीँ लागेको छ । तपाईहरुको दाम्पत्य जीवनले सफलता को शीखर चुम्न सफल होस् । तपाईहरुको अनुमति बिनानै केहि घत लाग्दा भिडियो दृष्य हरु तल पस्केको छु । परदेश को वसाँई होस या स्वदेशको , एउटी नेपाली नारीलाई सिन्दुरको महत्व त्यती नै हुन्छ । एउटी हिन्दु नारीले आफ्नो पतीको दिर्घायु जीवन को लागी लगाउछन्। सिन्दुरले माया प्रेम र सक्ति लाई जनाउछ् । हिन्दु शास्त्र अनुसार , लोग्नेले निधारमा सिन्दुर हालेर आफ्नो पत्नीलाई सुरक्षा को बन्धनमा राखेपछि यदि कोही पराईले पत्नी को हानि गर्न खोजेमा उक्त पराईको रगत उम्लेर उ आफै मर्छ रे । Rachan wedding..... from sapana sansar on Vimeo . आमा को लागी छोरा छोरी भनेको त मुटु को टुक्रा नै त हो नि । आमा भनेको के हो

बिजया दशमी २०७१ साल को हार्दिक मंगलमय शुभकामना !

बिजया दशमी २०७१साल को सुखद उपलक्क्षमा देश तथा बिदेश मा रहनु भयका सम्पूर्ण नेपाली दाजुभाई तथा दिदी बहिनी हरु मा चिरायु र दिर्घायुको कामना टक्राउन चाहन्छु साथै उतर उतर पर्गती को कामना गर्दछु। श्री नव दुर्गा माता को आशीर्बाद, ले हजुर हरुले आटे ताकेको पुगोस, सदा सुखी तथा खुशी हुनुहोस । । बिजया दशमी कै अवसर मा मैले केहि नेपाली सब्द हरुको काचो संयोजन गरेर निम्न हरफ हरु यहा निर पस्केको छु । * * * * * * * * * दशै * * * * * * * * * निरासाले घेरे पनि, आशा त्यसै कहा मरेको छ र पाईला त्यसै हराय पनि, दिशा कहा मोडिएको छ र । नविनतम बिचार हरु, छताछुल्ल आईरहुन यहा जहा जाउँ खुशीयाली, छताछुल्ल छाईरहुन त्यहा ।। एक जोर लुगा हाल्छु, एक छाक खसी खान्छु । धन को गरिवीलाई, एक छिन भए नि पर सार्छु ।। ठुला संग आशीस लिन्छु, सानालाई खुसी दिन्छु । रिन उठाउन साहुँ आए, कुना तिर लुकिदिन्छु । पोहर साल सुस्ताएको मखमलि, यो साल फक्र्याउदछु हजुरलाई बर्ष दिने दशैको, शुभकामना टक्र्याउदछु । जदौं [यो प्रस्तुती कतै पुन प्रकासित गर्नु परेमा स्रोत खुलाएर वा लेखकको पुर्ण सहमतिमा मात्र प्रकासित गर्नुहुन अनुरोध छ । -सपनासंसा